Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Love... intuitively

I've always been more impulsive and intuitive than not. Fast to decide and act. When I came to Portugal, I became more insecure and undecisive but now I think I am becoming impulsive again.

With dating I am definitely impulsive. I would've run off to Vegas two weeks into the thing. I can see how it is good for me to be dating someone who slows me down, helps me learn and appreciate the process. Comparing what I know about love now and what I knew when I started dating two and a half years ago, I can DEFINITELY say the difference is huge. I know "what love is" (= who God is) is something you continue learning all life long, but here are some of the things I have realized so far:

What love isn't:
  • easy
  • routine
  • safe
  • ideal: "Our culture is based on the desire to buy, the idea of a mutually favorable exchange. Man (or woman) considers people the same way. Attractive men or women are prizes to win. (...) I want to make a good deal; the object should be desirable from society's perspective and, at the same time, from the perspective of my values and potential. In this way, two people date when they feel they have found the best object available on the market, within the limits imposed by their own value of exchange." (Erich Fromm, El Arte de Amar)
  • what I want, what fits my needs (or what I think are my needs!)
  • boring
What love is:
  • messy sometimes/usually
  • emotional
  • vulnerability
  • changes you permanently and constantly when you come into contact with it
  • sacrificing yourself as a way of life for the good of the other
  • having to make room constantly/daily in your life for another person
  • having to make decisions constantly/daily, deciding in favor of another person
  • focusing on what's important and essential in life
  • appreciating and taking better care of myself
  • appreciating life's small moments more
  • humor
  • listening
  • learning when to hold back and when to surrender
  • receiving
  • accepting

"Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenebrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation." (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves)
The sunset today... that I was lucky enough to watch
and have the best company ever while watching.
How often do you watch the sunset?

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