Morning cuddles and fertility

Dimas and Leticia usually sleep in their own beds, but sometimes I leave Leticia in my bed, after nursing, in the morning, so I can shower/get ready. Here Dimas came and fell asleep with her, both occasionally caressing each other in their sleep. They both really love each other (Leticia lights up when he passes by, he shares food with her first), but he also hits/bites/pushes/etc the poor babe almost everyday. Here's to hoping he'll outgrow it....

The toes on my left foot move a little better than a few weeks ago. This is encouraging to me, because we have been "working on" them for so long in physical therapy. 

Yesterday I went to see my obgyn. Leticia just turned 10 months old and my monthly cycles haven't returned. This is normal for most mothers of ten-month-olds who are nursing, but definitely not for me. My cycle would return at four or five months, even with exclusive breastfeeding. Four out of six times, I was pregnant by this time! So although nothing was wrong, I seem to be having a period of natural infertility. Why am I sharing these personal details with you? (Sorry! ;) ) Because the human body is complex and AMAZING! I find this out once again. My obgyn says that many studies show that women in a crisis (like in war) aren't fertile. After all, she says, it's the hypophisis (the brain), that controls fertility. How does my brain know I'm still in a crisis? How does my brain know I still can't feel parts of my feet? There are many things science can't explain or replicate. 

Today our neighbors, some of the holiest people we know, took our kids to the beach. We went to mass at Our Lady of Fátima church. I met Rita from SOS Julie. Now I don't need the lady who helps me go to the hospital as much because I'm not using my wheelchair anymore. I stopped wearing my gloves at night for carpal tunnel syndrome. This means that it was really related to pushing my wheelchair with my hands. This is all to say: thank you to the group SOS Julie who arranged for this lady and saved my hands and thank you to everyone for the support and prayer. 

O Dimas e a Leticia geralmente dormem nas suas camas, mas às vezes deixo a Leticia na minha cama de manhã, depois de dar de mamar, para me poder arranjar. Nesta foto veio o Dimas e adormeceu com ela, os dois a dar festinhas um ao outro no sono. Eles gostam mesmo um do outro (a Leticia fica encantada quando ele passa e ele partilha comida com ela primeiro), mas ele também a bate/morde/empurra/etc todos os dias. Esperamos que passe quando crescer...!

Os dedos do meu pé esquerdo começaram a mexer-se um pouco mais do que há umas semanas. Isto é encorajador, porque tenho estado a "trabalhá-los" durante tanto tempo na fisioterapia.  

Ontem fui ter com a minha obstetra. A Leticia acabou de fazer 10 meses e o meu ciclo ainda não voltou. Isto pode ser normal para a maioria das mães de bebés com 10 meses a mamar, mas não é para mim. O meu ciclo geralmente volta aos quatro ou cinco meses, mesmo com amamentação exclusiva. Quatro em seis vezes, estava grávida nesta altura! Embora nada esteja mal, parece que estou a ter um periodo de infertilidade natural. Porque partilho estes pormenores pessoais convosco? (Desculpem! ;) ) Porque o corpo humano é complexo e INCRÍVEL!! Faço novamente esta descoberta. A minha obstetra diz que estudos mostram que as mulheres ficam inférteis em tempos de crise, como em tempo de guerra. Pois, disse ela, é o hipofise (o cérebro) que controla a fertilidade. Como é que o meu cérebro sabe que ainda estou em crise? Há muitas coisas que a ciência não consegue explicar nem imitar. 

Hoje os nossos santos vizinhos levaram as nossas crianças à praia. Nós fomos à missa na Igreja NS Fátima. Conheci uma senhora, a Rita, do SOS Julie. Agora já não estou a precisar tanto da senhora que me acompanha ao hospital. Ela só vai dias que a Leticia tem fisioterapia porque como já não vou de cadeira de rodas não preciso de quem me empurre. E como a Leticia já come, fica bem. Há umas semanas, deixei de usar as minhas talas para o síndrome do túnel carpico de noite. Isso quer dizer que estava mesmo relacionado com eu empurrar a cadeira de rodas com as mãos. Isto tudo para dizer: obrigada ao grupo SOS Julie que arranjou esta senhora que poupou as minhas mãos e obrigada a todos pelo apoio e oração.  

Office (which doubles as guest room)

It is so exciting to have an idea for something and see it happen two or three years later. Yesterday we got a new green desk for Tommy from OLX. I wanted to get a desk for each child, but now I'm not so sure so many desks will fit in the future. 😆

The office is my favorite room in the house. Even though we don't "work" and spend as much time there as I would like. They mainly just trash it with puzzle pieces and crayons. Now during our "Machado family summer school" (see pic) I'm trying a bit more. 

Thoughts on Motherhood 2: Priorities

This is Rosie waiting for the surprise welcome home "party" we had for Daniel when he got home fr a retreat last weekend.

I have moved mass and going out/to the park with kids to the morning. Because I have to put the most important things that require most energy first. Staying at home for me is relaxing. I guess I'm an introvert. 

I really liked an instastory from Carlin Bates Stewart in which she talks about when she does her "quiet time" (prayer). She points to a pile of messy clothes and says it's about priorities. Knowing that your time with God is more important than that messy pile over there. 

I am constantly imagining meeting God when I die recently. In a good way. It helps put everything else into perspective. How will I look back on this day when I'm in heaven? I will cherish that time when Davy was four and had a baby face and couldn't say his "r's" and said sweet, funny things. I have an obligation to laugh and enjoy everything he says right now. 

Another priority is your spouse. My husband heard at a parenting course for fathers: "The couple comes first, second and third. Then in fourth place come the kids." It is the trunk from which the branches grow. 

I have also found that the three habits I find really important for my life and goals (exercise, reading, piano) have to be put in prime time. In front of the kids. Sometimes before housework. I can't wait until they are in bed to do these important things.

Priorities are hard to set and you have to constantly reprioritize. If it were easy, you would already be there. Everything that is good in life is hard! 

How to survive without a maid AKA my dream of forced child labor (em português também)

My friend Rute asked me how I survive without a maid and I thought it would be a perfect blog post in case it is useful to anyone else. 

I don't mean this as advice. This is how I organize the house and food NOW. It is constantly changing. I am always reorganizing, having new ideas and having new needs. 

Just to be clear, I have a cleaning lady once a week and I would rather starve than do without that weekly cleaning (although I did clean the house before my third child was born... I'm not sure how). And I have lots of good babysitting contacts, if you need one let me know. I don't have an everyday maid, like some people have, but I also don't think I would like one because I'm a bit shy and value my privacy. Oh, and of course it's expensive. But I have nothing against people who do, of course. 

Habits for adults, habits for kids

Kids learn by example, so look at your own sleep/eat/self-discipline habits before criticizing your kids. But I do love what Charlotte Mason has to say about habits. You just help them do it everyday until it's routine. Natural. No rewards, no punishment, no nagging, no emotion. So I help my oldest three (ages 7, 4, 3) get dressed first, make their beds second, have breakfast then brush their teeth third. You have to sit on the floor, take some time, pass them their clothes, pick them up and take them to the bathroom and brush their teeth for them sometimes. Somedays they surprise you and are dressed by themselves and other days you have to say "get dressed fiiiiiirst, then play". After dinner, the same. If I have to physically take them to the bathroom one at a time to brush their teeth, go potty and put on pjs, I will. Sometimes it happens magically. I have these magnetic chore charts to drill it in (and I do hope setting the table, clearing dishes etc are in the near future for chores for them), but I stay away from rewards and punishments, external motivation. We want internal motivation here.  

The weekly plan, the daily plan

Inspired by The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, every Sunday I write down appointments, birthdays or things that deviate from the normal schedule and post it on the fridge. That's the one at he bottom. I had a weekly schedule with a daily routine (the orange one), but I have since taken it down because it has changed so much. I can tell you about my *new* daily plan in another post, if you're interested.

Food 

I also have a weekly plan of what I am going to make in terms of food (I cook once a day) and I have found it easier (mentally) to alternate like this: rice, potatoes, pasta, rice, potatoes, pasta and pizza on Sunday. And a grocery list. I do online shopping only. For everything. 

I have a "master meal plan", an Auntie Leila idea, with all the recipes I make on it, which makes it easier to look at and pick for the week. 

Laundry

The thing that has most revolutionized my life lately is the drier we got in January. I had been dreaming about it for over a year. I put stickers on it and make the older two kids wash their clothes. I got the idea from Blythe Fike here. Mondays Davy gets the hamper from his room (which has all the boys' clothes except for delicates) and with a detergent capsule washes it in the washing machine. Transfers it to the drier. Is supposed to take it to his room and put it away (I usually have to do that). Adelaide has another day for girls' clothes. Daddy is supposed to do our clothes on Saturdays. I take care of delicates, sheets and towels. Revolutionary. 

Also, one day I have a dream of a rotating cooking schedule. I have five kids so I have Monday-Friday taken care of. :D :D :D

Toys

It is mainly just me cleaning up their toys and yelling at them a lot to help me. I say, pick one thing and clean it up! Don't let me do it by myself! It's frustrating. If you have ideas, let me know. I think it's important for them to have toys. I try keep them to a minimum. I like to have them organized. Mainly I have to do it, but I try to keep up with it because of my mental sanity, which is better if the house is organized. 

I have a few "thoughts on motherhood and homemaking" posts up my sleeve like this. But before I post them, do you have any specific questions? 

************************** em português *****************************

A minha amiga Rute perguntou-me como sobrevivo sem empregada e pensei que seria um blog psot perfeito, caso fosse útil a outros. 

Não quero que isto seja conselhos. Isto é como organizo a casa e a comida neste momento. Está constantemente em mudança. Estou sempre a reorganizar, a ter ideias novas e necessidades novas. 

Tenho uma pessoa que limpa a casa uma vez por semana e preferia morrer à fome do que passar sem essa limpeza (embora tenha feito as limpezas antes do meu terceiro filho nascer... nem sei como!). E também tenho muitos contactos otimos de babysitters, caso precisarem digam. Não tenho uma empregada diária, como algumas pessoas têm, mas também acho que não iria gostar pois sou um pouco tímida e valorizo a minha privacidade em casa. E claro, é caro. Mas nada contra as pessoas que têm! 

Habitos para adultos, habitos para crianças

As crianças aprendem por exemplo, por isso olha para os teus hábitos de sono/comer/auto-disciplina antes de criticar os teus filhos. Mas gosto do que diz a Charlotte Mason sobre hábitos. Tens que os ajudar a fazê-lo todos dias até se tornar rotina. Natural. Sem recompensas, sem castigos, sem ralhar, sem emoção. Eu ajudo os meus três mais velhos (idades 7, 4, 3) a vestirem-se primeiro, a fazerem as camas segundo, a tomarem pequeno almoço e escovarem os dentes em terceiro. Tens que te sentar no chão, tirar algum tempo, passar-lhes a roupa, por vezes levar-lhes à casa de banho e escovar-lhes os dentes. Uns dias eles surpreendem-te e estão vestidos sozinhos e outros dias tens que dizer "veeeeeste-te primeeeeeeiro e depois brinca". Depois do jantar, igual. Se tenho que os levar fisicamente à casa de banho um de cada vez a escovar os dentes, usar a sanita e vestir o pijama, faço-o. Por vezes acontece magicamente. Tenho estes quadros magneticos de tarefas para reforçar (e de futuro espero que façam outras tarefas como pôr a mesa, tirar pratos etc), mas evito recompensas e castigos, que são motivação extrinseca. Queremos a intrinseca. 

O plano semanal, o plano diário

Inspirada nos 7 Hábitos de Pessoas Eficazes, escrevo aos Domingos maraçãoes, aniversários ou coisas que estão para além do horário normal e colo no frigorífico. É a folha em baio. Tinha um horário semanal com um horário diário (o laranja), mas já não uso pois já mudou tanto. Posso contar-te do meu *novo* plano diário noutro post, se tiveres interessado. 

Comida

Também tenho um plano semanal do que vou fazer em termos de comida (cozinho uma vez por dia) e acho mais fácil (mentalmente) para alternar assim: arroz, batatas, massa, arroz, batatas, massa e pizza ao Domingo. E tenho uma lista de compras (no frigorífico). Só faço compras online. Para tudo. 

Tenho uma lista impressa com todas as receitas que faço (ideia de Auntie Leila) sdf

Lavar roupa

A coisa que mais revolucionou a minha vida ultimamente é a máquina de secar desde Janeiro. Já sonhava com ela há mais que um ano. Pus autocolantes nos botões e os dois mais velhos lavam a roupa das crianças. Tirei esta ideia da Blythe Fike aqui. Às segundas o David tira o cesto de roupa do seu quarto (que tem a roupa toda dos meninos menos os delicados) e lava na máquina com uma cápsula. Depois transfere para a máquina de secar. Depois a ideia é levar para o seu quarto e arrumar, mas geralmente tenho que fazer isso. A Adelaide tem outro dia para a roupa das meninas. O pai devia de lavar a nossa roupa aos sábados. Eu trato dos delicados, lençois e toalhas. Revolucionário. 

Também, um dia tenho um sonho de um horário rotativo de cozinha. Tenho cinco filhos por isso tenho segunda-sexta tratados. :D :D :D

Brinquedos

Geralmente sou só eu a arrumar os brinquedos deles e a gritar com eles para me ajudarem. Digo, escolhe uma coisa e arruma! Não me deixes arrumar sozinha! É frustrante. Se tiverem ideias, digam-me. Acho que é importante para eles terem brinquedos. Tento minimizá-los. Gosto de os ter organizados. Geralmente sou eu que o tenho que fazer, mas tento mantê-lo por cusa da minha sanidade mental, que fica melhor se a casa estiver arrumada. 

...Tenho algumas ideias soltas sobre maternidade e a gestão da casa para escrever aqui neste blog. Mas antes de as postar, tens perguntas especificas?

Balcony garden update

So our little gardeners have been at work (somewhat... I've been watering the new seeds we replanted in egg cartons because the first ones dried out). We have successfully eaten lettuce, basil and some spinach before the spinach got a bug and we cut it and sprayed everything with water and dish soap. 

Now we have planted our cherry tomatoes and we are excitedly waiting for our other seeds to grow so we can plant them. Actually, they are ready, I am trying to find the time! 

Let's hope they will survive. 

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #27: Be available on the couch

This is the thing I most have difficulty with: just sitting down. Doing what they want to do. Especially if it's playing. Oh Lord, save me from pretend playing! But I do it very rarely and they love it. It's what they most love. 

Luckily, this day they asked me to read to them. That's my favorite. 

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #15: Container garden

I bought a few seed packets online and we planted them in egg cartons. Then we will move them to four pots on our balcony. Adelaide and Davy check them everyday and make me go see any progress ("mooommyyy looook!"). This is a picture of Adelaide watering them and also reading to them, after I told her there are studies that show plants grow faster if you talk to them. Davy, taking the tip, told me "I was talking to my strawberries but they didn't grow!"


Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #14: Sunday pizza making

We have made Sunday our official pizza-making day, mostly because it is easy and fun. I roll out four store-bought crusts (Tommy shares from Adelaide and Davy's). I make the sauce by pouring tomato puree in a bowl and mixing with salt and pepper, honey, a dash of cayenne, dried orégano, dried parsley and dried basil. The kids like pepperoni, olives, mushrooms and Davy likes corn. For us, I have discovered the best is to roast veggies in the oven before hand. Precooking veggies for pizza is essential. If I have a tomato, an onion and a zucchini, that is enough. Toss them with olive oil in a pyrex dish and roast in oven until sizzling. Use them as toppings with cheddar or feta cheese for an extra special taste. 

The other day I saw a pizza crust video tutorial by Rosie Hill on her Instastory here and when our store-bought dough runs out I might try it. 

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea # 10: The Reading Hour

I made up a new activity, which I am placing on Sunday (along with the five other things I try to do on Sunday… the day of rest, I know) called "The Reading Hour". It is basically an excuse for everyone to work together and let me read a little of my book. 

We agreed to: I read to the boys for 20 min, Daniel reads to the boys for 20 minutes and then Adelaide reads to the boys for 20 minutes. We got through about 40 before they were tired and I only got through about a page of my book, but I think everyone liked it and it is a tradition here to stay.

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1 

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #8: Work on chores

I am still figuring out this "getting kids to do chores thing" and I don't have lots of answers, but I know now is a good time to devote extra time to it. 

From what I've learned from Charlotte Mason and Maria Montessori, I try not to use bribes or threats (external motivation) but by repetition 9f the same thing at the same time everyday I hope a habit will form. 

This is kind of (KIND OF) working for morning and bedtime routines, but I haven't picked a time for toy cleanup or had success with it. 

As for other things (ironing, as pictured, unloading dishwasher, helping with cooking), they do it when it's new and they are interested, but not consistently.

Any tips or successes on your part?

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #4: Pretend fancy restaurant

"Adelaide's Unique Diner"

I wanted to participate in Jennifer Fulwiler's challenge on Instagram to do your hair and have a drink, but I didn't want to get dressed up to change diapers, get spit up on and even possibly pooped on. 
So I schemed a pretend fancy restaurant with my five-year-old on our balcony and she got reeeeeally into it. She made menus and tickets and pretend food. She got up at six thirty this morning, put on her fancy clothes and said she was ready. We waited until the baby and the toddler were in bed, then her and Davy served us and we had SUCH a nice break. 
I'm thankful for the idea from Jen. I almost cancelled it. I thought I had ordered online groceries to be delivered today, Saturday, but hadn't noticed it was Saturday, April 11th. Sad news! So this was a nice "last" lunch. 
Check out Jen's Instagram (@jenniferfulwiler) for lots of humor, especially about this crisis. 

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Good habits everyday

Sometimes I think food is more beautiful before it is cooked, like this chicken and dressing sheet pan supper by Pioneer Woman. 

I've been thinking about what gets me through the day. And if I could pick a family motto right now it would be: good habits everyday. As many good habits as possible a day. Maybe just one. Maybe a few. Building things up slowly with little steps. 

Good habits everyday. 

I listened to this wonderful podcast called "The Intellectual Life". It was amazing. Bishop Barron mentions how it is easy for him to read. It is a good habit that is so engrained in him it is easy and pleasant to do. Then he gives a handy little explanation on virtue and vice: virtue is when a good habit comes easy to you, vice is when a bad habit is the easiest thing for you to slip into. 

So I guess my family motto could also be build up virtue everyday. 

ONLY now... after years of trying... have I been able to commit to a prayer routine everyday. I help Adelaide and Davy practice their violins for 5 min. I practice 5 min of piano. I read a little bit before going to bed. I do a 5 min exercise video or some situps before taking a shower in the morning. I cut some fruit for my kids. I read aloud to them. We recite some poetry on a Sunday. We take a hike or go to forest school. They go to swimming class. I play and sing instead of hit or yell. 

These aren't things I am able to do everyday, but the more I am able to do them regularly the better I feel. It's what the 7 Habits book says is the "personal victory" which makes you feel more confident for relationship with others. It's what gets me through a day or week. 

Long Live Laura Ingalls Wilder!

Sometime last year, during the spring or summer, Adelaide pulled a Laura Ingalls Wilder book off the shelf and started examining the pictures. "Will you read this to me?" she asked casually. I tried to answer just as casually: sure. It's only MY FAVORITE BOOK IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. 

I'm not sure if she actually loves them just as much as I do, or if she is just listening to please me (then she's a good actress), but what is true is that we have read all five books in this picture (we are now on #6 The Long Winter). We both cried when their dog Jack died. Below is a picture of them "playing Laura Ingalls Wilder" and making a wagon with their toys. 

I realized sometime in the middle of that first month when Rosie was born that the most pleasurable moments of my day were reading LIW with Adelaide. The tiredness, gloominess, difficulties made the days kind of run into each other. But reading LIW with Adelaide brought real pleasure and enjoyment to THE BOTH OF US. Crazy as it seems, I have never really bonded over anything with my child until now. Sure, I've been to a million activities and playgroups and friends' houses with her. I've organized a million crafts and baked things together, etc etc. But real bonding and real enjoyment... MUTUAL (not just her) enjoyment... over a "wholesome recreational activity" as the mormons call it? Never until now. 

Now I understand what Sarah McKenzie means over at Read Aloud Revival about "creating a family culture through books". 

Long live Laura Ingalls Wilder!

Cling to the beautiful

I have serious problems and each of my family members have serious problems that I don't share on this blog. I just hope you know that. Possibly because I am a blogger myself, I look at other people's blogs and instagrams and know that it probably only corresponds to 10% or less of their lives. Of course, I still play the comparison game but I try to remind myself that they are like me: pretty messed up. 
The picture of cupcakes above is beautiful, but it doesn't show how I don't make time for baking anymore, barely for cooking a meal a day, and I just made them for my neighbor who I "owed". It doesn't show the messy kitchen or negligence of children involved in making them. 
The picture of our "homeschool" looks picturesque, but it really only lasts five minutes and doesn't show the crying, hitting, yelling and fighting over toys that happens in the other 23 hours and 55 minutes of the day. 
Does that mean I shouldn't post these? I don't think so. I like seeing other people's glory moments and beautiful creations. It inspires me. And I push forward for half of the morning while cooking, changing diapers, doing laundry, putting away toys, etc with the MOTIVATION of getting to those picturesque five minutes of "scholé" we do together. I push through life lately, with the motivation of getting to all the beautiful things that last a minute or I never have time for. But I still cling to the beautiful. It's worth it. 

Habits and meals

In the middle of serious post-partum blues, when nothing seemed to give me rest or joy, I instituted a new family ritual: a pre-dinner dance party. At first it was a little forced and awkward. It didn't give me joy and I was still sad. But now, it has taken shape and we are able to occasionally have fun together all goofing off to a song or two. 

I have been obsessively going over priorities in my mind since our Tommy was born. What is really worth doing in a day? So many possibilies. So little time. I came to the conclusion: habits and meals. Habits as in the little pieces of work that you put into something everyday that develop into a skill or something you learned. For me, it's piano, reading and knitting I'd like to work on a little each day. Do I? No. But I'd like to.

It's easier to see in kids and it's easier to work on their habits. Helping them eat fruit or brush their teeth everyday. Read stories and see them memorize the stories.

Also, meals. The Eucharist, of course. I loved this Bishop Barron podcast on that. And a meal together as a family each day. Those are things that we also need to do a little of each day. And it builds up to something beautiful we can't always see. 

Preparing

Our Lady amidst the mess (complete with pen graffiti on the wall). One of those rare moments of beauty when they read together!  

I've been listening to some great podcasts by Patrick Coffin and one of them was with Anthony Esolen. Another one was this one about parenting experts. I wrote down this quote from the Anthony Esolen interview at about 37:20 minutes: 

"It might be healthy for our young people, all of them, to regularly do difficult, physical work with the parent of the same sex. It's good for us all."

I almost always feel like I am preparing for something in the future. Starting some project and finishing it three years later, imagining some project that will take three years but preparing for it now, etc. I dream of the kids doing chores and knowing how to work as well as play, but that is definitely a distant, far-off dream. That I am starting to work toward now. Building a family culture, one tiny step at a time. 

Controlled chaos

I made homemade bread for the first time (not as hard as I thought) and angel cookies for the feast of the archangels. I want to be able to bake a simple treat for our favorite saints' days, but I guess I have to be humble enough to admit I can't do everything I'd like to do. 

Whenever I am trying to do anything other than play with the monsters kiddos (cooking, cleaning, etc), I have to temporarily allow for some controlled chaos of messes, taking things out of their places, playing with things they probably shouldn't be playing with, etc (see pic of kitchen above). And these days, if we don't have a calm morning in which I pay attention to Addie, she won't sleep for her nap. Then we all suffer and she will conk out at another random time like she did on the day of the archangels at three o'clock (also see pic above). 

Food for thought for stay-at-home-moms

"When Deirdre and John were here this weekend and telling us about Paris, I was remembering times I spent in Europe, back when mothers went to the market for the day’s food, carrying a straw bag and bringing home enough for the meals and a little more. My aunt actually married a German man and lived this life.

Marketing in the morning, large meal at midday, light “collation” in the evening, warm rolls delivered early to the doorstep, eaten for breakfast with unsalted butter and coffee (although I personally don’t like coffee. I know).

We were thinking about how, if the mother is the manager of her home, the family eats simply but well.

I don’t know why being the manager of the home (leaving aside being its heart, and just purely looking at things job-wise) is considered… nothing.

Have you been to a hotel recently? Maybe to stay, or for a reception? Can you imagine even thinking, 'This hotel is great. It’s comfortable, welcoming, clean, and refreshing. The food tastes homemade. It’s wonderful that this hotel has no manager.'

The amazing thing about being the manager of your own home is that it’s just such a pleasure. Listen, everything has its downside; nothing is perfect. But the freedom to decide when, where, and how to do things, taking into consideration only the opinions of those you love, why, that’s a pleasure.

Well, it can be!"


From "Okay, this is the salad post." by Leila Lawler 

Book club and habits

We are still deciding/discerning whether our kids will be homeschooled or what school they will go to, but in the midst of this I feel like I am homeschooling myself. My main goals are reading and music, in my case piano playing. I think if we could be really great readers and have lots of books, and play instruments together, that would be the foundation for all the rest. Sports we'll outsource. Other academic subjects, too. But reading and music I feel passionate about not outsourcing.

I am not the voracious reader I thought I was. Or I used to be in sixth grade. I mainly want to buy books online, but then they pile up in a big, tall stack of books "to read". My Little Catholic Bubble Book Club on Facebook has been really motivating in that sense. I have a deadline each week to read a certain amount, which if I didn't have a deadline I wouldn't read. I've already read St. Catherine of Siena by Sigrid Undset, The Power and the Glory and now The Power of Silence, which are books I wouldn't have picked by myself or wouldn't have read so quickly, but the book club really helps. See pic above of the "his" and "her" bookmarks I made for my husband too, who wanted to read along with me.

The piano playing is another story. Maybe I need a club? Or some guidance? I know I can't get around the "grind" of a little practice every day, but I haven't been successful yet.

And on the subject of homeschooling, here is a really great article: My Education in Home Schooling

The value of meals

One of the (many) takeaways from our US trip for me was how important meals are. It might seem like a lot of work to cook everyday, to plan meals, to grocery shop, etc. It might seem easier to buy pre-made food, pick something up, eat out, etc. But, at least for me, it's a short-cut that gives terrible long-term results.

There are good things and bad things in every country I always say, both in the US and in Portugal. On our trip, I realized one good thing Portugal has is that it *still* (even though it's dwindling) places more value on meals. In the US it's more common to "grab a bite" as you keep working, to eat on the go or as you drive, to eat alone or in the romantic company of a computer or iPhone. Perhaps here in Portugal there is still more of a remnant of that Latin get-togetherness or open a bottle and make it a celebrational meal.

I liked taking two weeks off cooking and eating yummy things in the US. But it felt like HOME to come back, sit down to a salad and a homemade meal. I remember a Jaime Oliver TV show where he went to America to teach people to cook and I really liked what he said, which was something along the lines of, "The US and England are amazing countries, have done amazing things and have amazing cultures, but in some aspects have gone too fast and forgotten the basics: the basics of getting a few ingredients together and sitting down with friends for a meal."

So my "helpers" in the pictures aren't actually helpful, but the first thing I do every morning is cook, which will be our lunch and dinner. And I think that investment in time is important, even though it gets dishes dirty and cleaning up the kitchen is such a hassle, especially with impatient kids. But when us three sit down for lunch and then four at dinner with dad, and it's peaceful, and they are learning to eat by themselves, have manners and generally just enjoy mealtime as a family, it's priceless. There is a reason humans don't graze or get food dumped into a bowl at regular times like animals. It's a ritual. It's social. There's a reason Jesus was ALL ABOUT meals. He even TURNS INTO a meal. It's sacred.