Always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus

For God who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to bring to light the knowledge of the glory of God on the face of Christ. But we hold this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing power may be of God and not from us. We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being given up to death for the sake of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

2 Corinthians 4:6-11

A friend sent me a message saying she thought of me when she heard this second reading from mass today (here Corpus Christi was already celebrated Thursday, so it's not those readings). I couldn't believe it because it's one of favorite readings!

You haven't heard from me much since January because suddenly my wound on my heel got worse. It's almost better now and, long story short, I'm still on crutches and have been living like a hermit since April 4th because it's tiring to get around on crutches. Plus, I'm supposed to rest it. Magically, my ocassional pain that I had to take SOS/extra pain meds to manage disappeared. But last week I started ten days of hyperbaric treatment (two hours each), which is supposed to decrease my pain, but it actually increased it! I've been taking the extras almost every day. The doctors say it will most likely get worse before it gets better. This week I have five days straight of the treatment (in addition to getting my bandage remade at the hospital) and, to make matters worse, I have to get an ear exam done tomorrow because they hurt and are hard to "pop" when they turn on the pressure. And I'm also taking antihistamines to see if it gets better. 

So I feel afflicted, perplexed, persecuted amd struck down, but I know God is with me. How? Again, mostly through people. I had a uncontrollable crying atrack before showing up empty-handed and late (as usual now) to our godson's party on Thurs and they cheered me up, doted on me, hugged me, etc so much that I left with my heart full. When I got home, I sat paralyzed in front of my messy dinner table, feeling the despair come on again, when.... my friend from college rang the doorbell! A friend at the party had told her about me crying and she rushed over to my house. Let me tell you: I don't remember ever going to any friend's house just to comfort them, and I don't deserve such wonderful moments of grace given ny His instruments in my life. Of course, she listened to me, I shed some tears, she set the table, we rejoiced in her presence and had icecream for dessert. We rehearsed our recital songs for her and she sang a fado song for us. I tried to capture Lettie and Rosie's entranced looks as they listened to her sing in the following pic. 

The first pics are at Davy's rugby game on Sat. I only went because he reeeeeeally wanted me to go, but it was great. I took the picture holding Dimas in my lap because I love being able to slowly go back to the most important work ever (other than being a wife): taking care of my kids' needs. More important than meals, hygiene, schooling, etc, is physical touch. Watching them play, sitting in my lap, leaning on me, massage, hugs. I love how the follow me around and if I sit they plop into my lap. 

And of course today, we had the best recital ever with our lovely violin teacher. I said in a little soeech I made at the end: eight years ago I dreamed of having a family band and today was the first day it really happened. I played the piano and my oldest three played their violins. I will post photos and videos tomorrow! 

PS desculpa não escrever tbm em português, mas mal tenho tempo para uma língua (estou a esticar na hora que deveria de estar a dormir!)

Jesus falls for the first time

Why haven't I written and given an update in so long? Well, I'm always S.O. T.I.R.E.D. I can't find the time or the will power. 

One day, I helped the older kids get out the door for school and there was about an hour until the babysitter got here and I fell asleep on the couch. When she rang the doorbell, I got up to talk to her, before changing from my pyjamas. She couldn't stop giggling and said, you know you've been drawn on, right? I hadn't noticed. (See pictures above)

Such is life when when you can fall into deep sleep in a minute and not feel your one-year-old draw on you. I'm not sure if the sleepiness comes from the pain medication I take or from the injury. 

I'm not sure why God is allowing me to have increased difficulty in the simple tasks I love to do and I live to do, like organize my house and cook meals. Like take my kids anywhere. 

I have started driving!! Woo hoo! Two weeks ago. I feel enough in my feet and have enough strength to work the pedals. I took my kids to two friend's houses this week because the oldest were off school. It felt like old times. I was getting back to work. Back to normal. 

Except the sleepiness, also while driving, anytime after lunch. 

And after 5 pm I'm done for. I just complain to the kids, lose my temper and going from the kitchen to the living room seems like mountain climbing. 

Why would God allow taking away my energy, making us suffer financially and making it so much harder to take care of the six beautiful children He gave me? 

I was able to listen to Bishop Barron's Stations of the Cross today on spotify (I highly recommend, of course). I especially liked the meditation about Jesus's first fall with the cross. A parishioner asked him once, why would God allow my two granddaughters, 5 and 7 years old, to suffer from terminal illnesses in which they first become blind and then die? Bishop Barron told the man he didn't have an easy answer for him, but he knew that just asking the question was sacred. 

Lately I have been all out of answers. All out of time to read and write, which is what I would most like to do. But I'm asking these questions. I hope you are too. 

When I was able to take them out with their bikes. Once. 

Porque é que não tenho escrito e dado notícias há tanto tempo? Bem, estou sempre T.Ã.O. C.A.N.S.A.D.A. Não encontro o tempo nem a vontade. Um dia, ajudei as crianças mais velhas a sair para a escola e, faltava uma hora para a babysitter chegar e eu adormeci no sofá. Quando ela tocou à porta, levantei-me para falar com ela, antes de trocar de roupa do pijama. Ela tentava suprimir o riso e disse, sabes que desenharam em ti, certo? Não tinha reparado. (Ver fotos acima)

Assim é a vida quando podes adormecer profundamente a qualquer instante e não sentes a tua filha de um ano a desenhar em ti. Não sei se o cansaço e sonolência vem dos medicamentos para a dor que tomo ou se da lesão. 

Não sei porque é que Deus me permite ter dificuldade aumentada nas tarefas simples que amo fazer e vivo para fazer, como organizar a minha casa e cozinhar. Como transportar as minhas crianças. 

Comecei a conduzir!! Woo hoo! Há duas semanas. Sinto o suficiente nos pés e tenho força para carregar nos pedais. Levei as crianças a visitar duas amigas esta semana, porque os mais velhos não tinham escola. Parecia como antigamente fazia. Estava a voltar ao trabalho. Ao normal. Excepto a sonolência, também durante a condução, a qualquer hora depois do almoço. Depois das cinco da tarde não aguento nada. Queixo-me às ciranças, perco a paciência e ir da cozinha para a sala parece escalada de montanhas.

Porque é que Deus permitirá tirar a minha energia, fazernos sofrer financeiramente e tornar tão mais difícil tomar conta das seis crianças lindas que nos deu?

Consegui ouvir o Bispo Barron com as Estações da Cruz no Spotify. Gostei especialmente da meditação sobre a primeira queda de Jesus. Um paroquiano perguntou-lhe uma vez: porque Deus permitirá as minhas duas netas, de 5 e 7 anos, sofrer de doenças terminais, em que primeiro ficam cegas e depois morrem? Bispo Barron disse ao senhor que não tinha respostas fáceis, mas que sabia que só fazer a pergunta é sagrado. 

Ultimamente faltam-me as respostas. Falta-me tempo para ler e escrever, que é o que mais queria fazer. Mas estou a fazer estas perguntas. Espero que também estejas.  

Life knocks you down

Life seems like it has been especially hard lately. Maybe for everyone? It knocks me down, and I am trying to get up each day. I love this Rocky quote about this here:

I haven't had the pain in my foot in a month and a half. I have, however, had constant sleepiness. I woke up yesterday with the help of Daniel literally pulling me out, like he always does. I slept a little on the taxi to the hospital. I yawned during the physical therapy there and the therapist asked, "Are you sleepy? Let's do some exercises to wake you up." I also slept ten minutes on the couch when I got home at the end of the day with the three littles fighting on my lap and every now and then I would yell an incoherent, "Dimas, don't hit!" Sometimes just ten minutes helps me. Today I laid down in the office floor between two online classes and slept a 30 min power nap!

I prefer the sleepiness over the pain, but it's a close call. I feel sorry for all other people who suffer from chronic pain and have to pick pain or sleepiness! It's hard to push through when you are constantly tired. I sometimes even sleep directly after drinking coffee.  

   

We went to the Science Museum two weekends in a row. It was the first time we went alone somewhere with the kids and it felt good to be able to spend that time with my kids. They appreciated it. It was relaxing. It felt like when we went to the United States years ago and were sightseeing. I was also very tired, of course, when I got home, but I was able to recover well. 

I have two articles in my head I would love to find time to write and two books I would also love to find time to write. I would like to read more and practice more piano. I would like to organize the house and bake cookies. I would like to read to my kids and play board games with them. I am slowly letting go and accepting I can barely do anything with my day. Before the injury, I had little time and money for everything I wanted, but now I have a million times less time and money for everything I want/need. Trying to figure out what to do long-term. I guess everyone could use a little more time and money, right? I just never imagined my recovery would take more than a year. I thought I would be back to "normal life" by now.  

A friend and now English student ;) told me the other day she felt like she was failing. I couldn't believe it. She is such an amazing and interesting person. I would love to know all about her past. She has enchanting kids and is an inspiration for me. I told her: sometimes the more we fail in the world's eyes, the more we are succeeding in God's! At least for me: I'm sicker, more tired, more overwhelmed, but I know God is using this all to paint a bigger picture. Speaking of which, the first reading from Isaiah in mass today REALLY spoke to me. And a verse from the psalm. 

"He gives strength to the fainting;

for the weak he makes vigor abound.
Though young men faint and grow weary,
and youths stagger and fall,
They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength,
they will soar as with eagles' wings;
They will run and not grow weary,
walk and not grow faint." Isaiah 40

"He pardons all your iniquities,
he heals all your ills.
He redeems your life from destruction,
he crowns you with kindness and compassion." Psalm 103

PS thank to you all friends who have sent us GIFTS. WOW. And words of encouragement. And prayers!

A vida parece especialmente difícil ultimamente. Talvez para todos? Empurra-me e caio, mas tento-me levantar todos os dias. Gosto imenso desta citação do Rocky neste video clip. 

Não tenho tido dor no meu pé há um mês e meio. Tenho, porém, tido sonolência quase constante. Acordei ontem com a ajuda do Daniel a puxar-me da cama, como faz sempre. Dormi um pouco no taxi a caminho do hospital. Bocejei durante a fisioterpeia e a terapeuta perguntou: "Tens sono? Vamos fazer alguns exercícios para te acordar." Também dormi dez minutos no sofá quando cheguei ao final do dia enquanto os três pequenos brigavam ao meu colo. De vez em quando murmurava, "Dimas, não batas!" Às vezes fico melhor com só dez minutos. Hoje dormi 30 minutos no chao do escritório entre duas aulas online!

Prefiro a sonolência à dor, mas é uma escolha difícil. Tenho pena de todas as outras pessoas que sofrem de dor crónica e têm que escolher dor ou sonolência! É difícil perseverar com cansaço. Às vezes até adormeço a seguir a um café!

Fomos ao Museu de Ciência Viva dois fins-de-semana seguidos. Foi a primeira vez que fomos sozinhos com as crianças a algum sítio sem ajuda e senti-me bem poder fazê-lo. Os meus filhos apreciaram. Foi relaxante. Sentiamos como quando fomos aos EU há uns anos e íamos a museus e ver coisas. Fiquei cansada, claro, mas consegui recuperar. 

Tenho dois artigos na minha cabeça que gostaria de encontrar tempo para escrever e dois livros também. Gostava de arranjar mais tempo para ler e praticar piano. Para organizar a casa e fazer bolachas. Para ler aos meus filhos e jogar jogos de tabuleiro com eles. 

Estou devagarinho a aceitar que não consigo fazer quase nada com o meu dia. Antes da lesão, já sintia que tinha pouco tempo e dinheiro, mas agora mil vezes mais. Estou a tentar perceber o que fazer a longo prazo. Mas todos devem sentir a falta desta duas coisas sempre, não é? Nunca pensei que a recuperação demorasse mais do que um ano. Pensei que tivesse de volta à "vida normal" agora. 

Uma amiga e agora aluna de inglês ;) ;) disse-me que se sentia a falhar. Nem podia acreditar. Ela é uma pessoa incrível e interessante. Gostaria de saber mais sobre o passado dela. Ela tem crianças encantadoras e é uma inspiração para mim. Disse-lhe: às vezes parece quanto mais falhamos aos olhos do mundo, mais êxito temos perante Deus. Pelo menos para mim: estou mais doente, mais cansada, mais assoberbada, mas sei que Deus me usa para pintar uma pintura maior. Falando nisso, a primeira leitura da missa de hoje, de Isaias, e o Salmo, me falaram MUITO: 

"Dá força ao que anda exausto e vigor ao que anda enfraquecido. Os jovens cansam-se e fatigam-se e os adultos tropeçam e vacilam. Mas os que esperam no Senhor renovam as suas forças, formam asas como as águias. Correm sem se fatigarem, caminham sem se cansarem." Isaias 40

"Ele perdoa todos os teus pecados

e cura as tuas enfermidades;
salva da morte a tua vida
e coroa-te de graça e misericórdia." Salmo 103

PS Obrigada do fundo do coração a quem nos deu PRENDAS. UAU. E obrigada pelas palavras de encorajamento e pelas orações. 

"

Tired of being tired

This picture is of me and my littles drinking coffee (theirs is milk with a drop of coffee!) after my nap. Dimas is obsessed with coffee. He'll even drink a pure espresso if he can get his little hands on it. Now I can't drink coffee without making one for him and for his two sweet sisters, who are his biggest admirers (so they now want coffee too) and best friends. So much so, that they forgive and forget the doses of hair-pulling, hitting, pushing and occasional biting he delivers them. 

I belong to a secret club of people: People that know what chronic pain and what living with sleepiness is. I had an intervention done in the pain center ward of the hospital a month ago, and the pain in my toes became worse that week, but hasn't returned so far (score!). The doctor at the pain center raised my daily dose of meds and also prescribed me a new SOS pain medication (that I don't take regularly, only when the toe pain comes back) that ACTUALLY WORKS. (In case anyone is wondering, I switched from tramadol to tapentadol because they now have a new fast-acting pill.) When people say in a certain way, "I know what pain is because I have it because of (insert accident here)" and look in my eyes knowingly, I know they know.  

We saw the amazing play, "Shadowlands", about the life of C.S. Lewis a month ago. I loved the part when she is on her death bed and says the only reason she is sad to die is because of leaving her husband behind. She would be happy to go for the pain to stop. When I had pain in my legs before the operation, I was also unafraid to die but felt sorry for my husband and kids if I did. I could only think about the pain, going to sleep and waking up without pain. It happened (general anesthesia) and it was just as I had hoped and more. I woke up after the operation in a quiet room with a nurse next to me, waiting for me to wake up. 

There are possibly many reasons for physical pain to exist in this world, but I'm convinced that one of them is to make us want to transition. Help us with the move. Especially with childbirth (to not be pregnant anymore! otherwise you would have no motivation to go through all that awful pain) and death. 

People in this secret club also know what sleepiness caused by medication is. My lovely Slovakian friend said she was taking pain medication for some pain she had with an unknown cause, but couldn't deal with sleeping through life and stopped taking them. I know exactly how she felt. I wish I could stop taking them, but since the pain hasn't returned, I am keeping the meds how they are. Unfortunately this means a lot of falling asleep on the couch or on the floor during the day and not getting things done. It is a difficult sacrifice I am trying to accept now: the one of not getting things done. For me, it's almost worse than the pain! 

Esta foto é de mim e os meus pequenos a beber café (o deles é leite com um pingo de café) depois da minha sesta. O Dimas está obcecado com café. Ele até bebe café expresso se conseguir chegar até ele. Agora não posso beber café sem fazer um para ele e para as suas queridas irmãs, que são também as suas maiores fãs (por isso também querem café) e melhores amigas. São tão amigas que perdoam os puxões de cabelo, chapadas, empurrões e ocasionais mordidas que ele lhes dá. 

Pertenço a um clube secreto de pessoas: Pessoas que sabem o que dor crónica é e o que é viver com sono. Tive uma intervenção numa unidade de dor há um mês, e a dor localizada nos dedos dos pés piorou nessa semana, mas depois não voltou. O médico aumentou a minha dose diária de medicamentos para a dor e receitou uma nova para fazer em SOS que funciona. (Para quem está interessado, troquei de tramadol para tapentadol porque agora sairam com um novo tapentadol rápido.) Quando as pessoas dizem, "Sei o que é a dor pois a tenho por causa de certo acidente" e olham para mim como quem sabe, sei que eles sabem!

Vimos a peça de teatro incrível chamada "Shadowlands", sobre a vida de C.S. Lewis. Gostei da parte em que ela está a morrer e diz que a única razão pela qual está triste por partir é por deixar o marido. De resto, ela estaria feliz por partir para parar a dor. Quando tive dor nas pernas antes a operação, também não tinha medo de morrer, só que tinha pena do meu marido e filhos se morresse. Só conseguia pensar na dor, em dormir e acordar sem dor. Aconteceu (anestesia geral) e foi tal como esperava e mais. Acordei depois da operação num quarto silencioso com uma enfermeira ao meu lado, à espera que eu acordasse. 

Existem possivelmente várias razões para a dor física existir neste mundo, mas estou convencida que um deles é fazernos querer uma transição. Ajudar-nos com a mudança. Especialmente com a gravidez (como motivação para deixar de estar grávida e ter o parto) e com a morte. 

Pessoas neste clube secreto também sabem como é a sonolência causada pela medicação. A minha amiga da eslováquia disse que estava a tomar medicação para uma dor que tinha sem saber a causa da dor, mas não conseguia lidar com a sonolência e parou de os tomar. Sei exatamente como ela se sentia. Gostaria de deixar também de tomar medicamentos, mas como a dor localizada não voltou estou a manter a medicação como está. Infelizmente isto significa adormecer frequentemente no sofá ou no chão durante o diae não conseguir fazer coisas. Este é o sacrifício difícil que estou a tentar aceitar agora: não conseguir fazer as coisas que gostaria. Para mim, é quase pior do que a dor! 

Priority on motherhood

Today I woke up, cranky and tired as usual (I'm more of a night owl), but with my feet hurting also. They were sore in general, but my neuropathic pain localized on my toes was back. It has been coming back fewer times, a month in between the last couple of times. But it also lasts longer when it comes. Today it was raining and I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. Next week I'll have another "intervention" to see if we can loosen up the scar tissue in my spine that might be causing it. 

I pulled myself into my kitchen and made pancakes, just because we had nothing else to eat and I had already told myself the day before I'd make pancakes. It's the kids' favorite breakfast and I like to make it on sundays as often as possible. It cheered me up. Their smiles and silence while chewing was priceless. We made hamburgers for lunch and pizza for dinner. We put on music and danced. I don't usually cook so much in a day, but I've decided that a day spent in the kitchen is not a day lost. It's one of the best services we can give our family.  

I listened to the podcast and youtube video "Daycare Impacts On A Child's Brain & Socialization Myths" from The Spillover with Alex Clark. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Modern feminism hates motherhood. Women can be anything: scientists, astronauts, CEO's, but not mothers and especially not mothers that cook, clean and decorate. If this injury has strengthened anything in me, it has strengthened my priority on family, motherhood and friends. RELATIONSHIPS. As they said in the podcast, we live in a narcissistic society that says, "think about yourself". But that doesn't make you happy. Service to others does. And it distracts me from my pain.    

Hoje acordei, com mau humor e cansada como habitual (tenho mais energia de noite), mas com o acrescimo de dor nos pés. Estavam doridos em geral, mas a minha dor neuropática localizada nos dedos dos pés estava de volta. Vem menos vezes, agora só de mês em mês, mas fica mais tempo. Hoje estava a chover e não sei se isso está relacionado. Para a semana terei outra intervenção para ver se conseguem libertar tecido de cicatriz na coluna que o pode estar a causar. 

Arrastei-me para a cozinha e fiz panquecas, só porque não tínhamos mais nada e já tinha dito a mim própria no dia anerior que iria fazer panquecas. É o pequeno almoço preferido das crianças e gosto de as fazer aos domingos sempre que possível. Alegrou-me. Os sorrisos deles e o silêncio enquanto mastigavam é de ouro. Fizemos hamburgueres para o almoço e pizza para o jantar. Pusemos música e dançamos. Não costumo cozinhar tanto num dia, mas decidi que um dia passado na cozinha não está perdido. É um dos melhores serviços que podemos dar à nossa família.

Ouvi o podcast e youtube video "Daycare Impacts On A Child's Brain & Socialization Myths" do The Spillover com Alex Clark. Não o posso recomendar mais. O feminismo moderno detesta a maternidade. As mulheres podem ser tudo: cientistas, astronautas, CEOs, mas não mães e especialmente não mães que cozinham, limpam e decoram. Se esta lesão fortaleceu algo em mim, foi a minha prioridade na família, maternidade e amigos. RELAÇÕES HUMANAS. Como dizem no podcast, vivemos numa sociedade narcisista que diz, "pensa em ti". Mas isso não te faz feliz. Serviço aos outros faz. E distrai-me da minha dor.

Julie, Let Yourself Be Loved

We went to the vigil! Yes, as I was contemplating my sprained ankle (I went to a doctor's appointment on Friday and it was still swollen, so she suggested I wrap it up), Daniel was signing us up LAST MINUTE (oh yes, that's how we roll) as handicapped to go to the vigil. So Saturday afternoon we packed up into three taxis: me, Daniel, our six small children, and a 12-year-old helpful neighbor and they drove us to where they could go no more. We got out with our THREE things to push: me in a wheel chair and two strollers and a very long distance still ahead of us. 

But, like people who let themselves be instruments of God do, a group of pilgrims showed up and asked "Can we help?" They were waving an American flag, so of course we were all thrilled. Two brother priests, one a diocesan military chaplain, another a Legionary of Christ, and their groups, pushed us along, playing with and talking to our kids, being extra kind and supportive of us. 

Here is Tommy with one of the priests' sunglasses (these two are Legionaries of Christ). 

Here they are playing with the kids, pretending this ramp was a slide. 

Goodbye pictures!

While the Legionary of Christ was pushing me, we stopped to look at a map. I went to pick up his backpack, hoping to take it in my lap to help him out. He pulled it back quickly and refused to let me take it. I had felt how heavy it was, and I insisted. He insisted right back. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Julie, let yourself be loved." If there is anything I have been learning to do since this injury, it's exactly that!

On the way back, our very holy and amazing neighbors pushed us back. 

I wrote an article in Portuguese about this experience. So far Expresso has rejected it and I'm waiting to hear from Observador, but it seems to also be the case. It's the second article they have rejected in a month. Ouch. There are certain topics they dislike. 

Now we are suffering from World Youth Day hangover ;) and packing to go on a mini vacation. Pray that we are able to rest, because we have been dealing with a lot of anxiety about the future. 

Fomos à vigília! Sim, enquanto contemplava o meu tornozelo torcido (fui a uma consulta na sexta, ainda estava inchado e a médica sugeriu imobilizá-lo), o Daniel inscrevia-nos À ÚLTIMA HORA (é assim que nos acontece sempre!) como deficiente para ir à vigília. Assim, sábado de tarde, chamámos três taxis: eu, o Daniel, as nossas seis crianças pequenas e uma vizinha muito prestável de 12 anos fomos até os taxis não podiam ir mais. Saímos com TRÊS coisas par empurrar: eu numa cadeira derodas, dois carrinhos e uma longa distância ainda a percorrer. 

Mas como acontece com pessoas que se deixam ser instrumentos de Deus, um grupo de peregrinos apareceu e perguntaram "Podemos ajudar?" Tinham uma bandeira americana, e ficámos felicíssimos. Dois irmãos padres, um capelão militar diocesano, outro Legionário de Cristo, e os seus respetivos grupos, empurraram-nos, brincaram e falaram com as nossas crianças, e foram extremamente delicados connosco. 

Aqui está o Tomé com os óculos de sol de um dos padres (estes dois são legionários de Cristo)

Aqui estão a brincar com as crianças, a fingir que a rampa era um escorrega. 

Fotos da despedida

Enquanto o Legionário de Cristo me empurrava, parámos para olhar para um mapa. Eu tentei pegar na mochila dele, para a levar no meu colo e assim ajudar. Ele tirou-a rapidamente e não me deixou. Eu senti como era pesada e insisti. Ele insistiu também. Pôs a sua mão no meu ombro e disse, "Julie, deixa-te ser amada." Se há algo que estou aprender desde a minha lesão, é exatamente isso!

No caminho de volta, os nossos vizinhos incríveis e santos nos empurraram. 

Escrevi um artigo em português sobre esta experiência. Até agora o Expresso o rejeitou e espero para saber do Observador, mas parece também ser o caso. É o segundo artigo que ambos rejeitam no espaço dum mês. Doi! Há certos assuntos que não gostam mesmo. 

Agora etsamos a sofrer duma ressaca JMJ ;) e a fazer as malas para ir numas mini férias. Reza para que possamos descansar, pois tempos tido muita ansiedade sobre o futuro. 

God is always good

 

We visited a friend last week who is going through some tragic events. On that same day, I saw a bio on Instagram which read "God is always good." I remembered a story in a book I am reading (Brazen by Sean Feucht, really good by the way) about how the death of his young friend changed his life and how the young girl's father was an example of faith and fortitude at the funeral. It is when tragic moments hit, that people who have practiced small moments of faith and fortitude in everyday decisions and habits can show their true colors. Or rather, God's true colors of love, peace and joy. 

It got me to thinking, am I able to say "God is always good"? In life's most tragic moments, like that father at his young daughter's funeral, or Mary in the Pietá, am I able to say, "God is always good?"

"We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." Rm 8:28

Omnia in bonum

Thoughts on Motherhood 2: Priorities

This is Rosie waiting for the surprise welcome home "party" we had for Daniel when he got home fr a retreat last weekend.

I have moved mass and going out/to the park with kids to the morning. Because I have to put the most important things that require most energy first. Staying at home for me is relaxing. I guess I'm an introvert. 

I really liked an instastory from Carlin Bates Stewart in which she talks about when she does her "quiet time" (prayer). She points to a pile of messy clothes and says it's about priorities. Knowing that your time with God is more important than that messy pile over there. 

I am constantly imagining meeting God when I die recently. In a good way. It helps put everything else into perspective. How will I look back on this day when I'm in heaven? I will cherish that time when Davy was four and had a baby face and couldn't say his "r's" and said sweet, funny things. I have an obligation to laugh and enjoy everything he says right now. 

Another priority is your spouse. My husband heard at a parenting course for fathers: "The couple comes first, second and third. Then in fourth place come the kids." It is the trunk from which the branches grow. 

I have also found that the three habits I find really important for my life and goals (exercise, reading, piano) have to be put in prime time. In front of the kids. Sometimes before housework. I can't wait until they are in bed to do these important things.

Priorities are hard to set and you have to constantly reprioritize. If it were easy, you would already be there. Everything that is good in life is hard! 

Thoughts on Motherhood 1: Formulas

My favorite author on anything motherhood is Sally Clarkson. Listen to her podcasts "At Home With Sally" because any one of them is wonderful. My favorite thing she says is "faith over formula". It doesn't apply just to parenting, but in parenting it is sooooooo apparent. We get a baby in our hands and we think we will be able to program a human being into the perfect philosophy of what a person should be and what makes us happy. We forget kids are not OURS. Our spouse is OURS and we are THEIRS. That is the most important relationship and our kids can drink from that fount. They will leave the nest and we will be just an influence on their life, not a computer programmer of their being. 

So some people are less crunchy and think rewards and punishment, more hitting, charts, etc will get desired behavior results. Others are more in favor of the attachment theory, but also think that attachment is a cure-all, solve-all and their child will automatically be gentle and perfect in every way. 

Just like we can see someone's intentions behind what they say or do, kids read through us. So what it comes down to is modeling Christ to them. Modeling good intentions and being the best we can be. Modeling good habits. Creating a good environment and family culture together. 

Work on your inner life. Become a better person. By consequence you will be a better parent. 

Relationships. Enjoy doing things with your spouse and kids like you would enjoy doing with friends. It helps me to imagine them as adults. What will we do together then? Start those things now. Because relationships, whether with our kids or with friends, are what make life worth living. 

Reflections on the coronavirus crisis pt 6: Life is a crisis

My husband has said many times during these past months: let's not decide or do this or that because we're in the middle of a crisis. To which I answer: when are we not in a crisis? Life is a crisis. 

I know it's more seasons of calm and crisis, waves that come and go... But you can never quite get your footing before another one comes. That's built into life. It's supposed to change us, open us up, transform us. 

I've learned during these months to rest a little each day during established prayer times, exercise, creativity and bonding with my husband and kids. And not wait for "that calm time" that will supposedly come during vacation or after a crisis. It's not gonna happen. 

"He continued: “Go, eat rich foods and drink sweet drinks, and allot portions to those who had nothing prepared; for today is holy to our Lord. Do not be saddened this day, for rejoicing in the LORD is your strength!” (Nehemiah 8:10)

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #27: Be available on the couch

This is the thing I most have difficulty with: just sitting down. Doing what they want to do. Especially if it's playing. Oh Lord, save me from pretend playing! But I do it very rarely and they love it. It's what they most love. 

Luckily, this day they asked me to read to them. That's my favorite. 

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #21: Make a prayer plan

I could write a thousand articles on the importance of prayer and how I've discovered this (and keep on discovering this) in own life. Instead, I've written some bullet points:

- God doesn't need us to pray. We need it. It's like the electrical outlet doesn't need the lamp. But the lamp needs to be plugged in to shine.
- On that note, my favorite quote about prayer is this one:
"All that exterior activity is a waste of time, if you lack Love. It's like sewing with a needle and no thread. What a pity if in the end you had carried out 'your' apostolate and not 'his' apostolate." The Way, n 967, by Saint Josemaria Escrivá
Our millions of activities, exterior and social life, running around like headless chickens is worth NOTHING if it's not overflowing from somewhere.
- God doesn't need us to go to a church instead of praying at home. We need it. God doesn't need us to carve time out in our lives for Him. We need it. God doesn't need us to dedicate one hour out of seven to Him or one day out of seven to Him. We need it. God is spiritual. We are limited to time and space. If we don't make time and space for Him physically in our lives, we won't have Him spiritually in our lives.
- Prayer is a habit. It took me a long time to figure that one out. If you've read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, it's habit number 7. If you want to make time for other good habits in your life (exercise, personal hygiene, practicing an instrument, reading, etc) this one habit of prayer will multiply your time. The more you pray, the more time you will have. Trust me on this.

I took this picture of the "Seven Daily Habits" pamphlet from the Mary Foundation, which is great. You can find it online at www.catholicity.com and they will mail you some for no cost except shipping. I have a bunch and I keep them on my cabinet entrance with a sign that says "please take a pamphlet". No one ever has... Go figure!

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Reflections on the coronavirus crisis pt 3: Spiritual opportunity

Please stop everything you are doing right now and watch this. It is so so great! 

"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."
Blaise Pascal

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

The repetition of good acts leads to excellence

Adelaide celebrating a pretend mass for her stuffed animals. Her brothers didn't want to attend. 

In continuation of my last post "Good habits everyday", I would like to add some thoughts. I went to a brief conference last week in which the speaker said that Aristotle was the one who coined the term "virtue" and both he and Plato thought the repetition of good acts leads to excellence. I could hardly believe my ears... this came in confirmation of everything I've been reflecting on recently. 

The speaker said, "Aristotle is 4th century BC so don't come telling me Christians are so annoying with their moralistic 'value system'". These greek philosphers thought that values were part of the world of ideas and lifted us up out of our material world. They believed in magnanimity, and in being the best you could be. If man could be better than he was, it was a crime not to try. 

I caught myself thinking about how hard my life seems sometimes. Always waking up early. Sometimes going to bed late (to write this post, for example). Getting out of the house to go to mass. Getting children fed, bathed and sleeping on more or less regular schedules. Escorting the princess to millions of activities. Wouldn't it be easier to just sit on my couch a little more? Watch some TV and be more lax with this good habits thing? I feel pretty desperate and tired sometimes. 

Then a Bible verse came to me: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

And I thought: I don't rest when I am depressed and can't get out of bed or off the couch. Or with vices. I  I amrest when creative or communicative. I rest when I write articles and post on my blog and talk to friends and get ideas from books. So I need to get to those things. 

September AYOPS

Some of September's activities so far from "A Year of Playing Skillfully" by the Homegrown Preschooler

These past three weeks have been crummy, this last one in particular, with Tommy constantly sick. He got over his rotavírus last Thursday only to start with fever and laryngitis on Friday. Davy got laryngitis and tonsillitis. And I am always bragging about how we never get sick…

Of course this ruined my perfectly concocted plans. Basically it was three weeks in which I wanted to meet people and get our activities and the ball rolling. And instead we have been confined to isolation and a miserable baby who lost a lot of weight. So hard to accept when things don't go my way. When life isn't ideal. Still working on it. 

At least the perfectly concocted plans for our preschool (see activities above) have been fun, and that has saved my day. I have a couple more weeks until our baby Rosie arrives and that never gets any less scary. Here's to relaxing and enjoying our last days as a family of five instead of panicking and trying to tick things off my checklist as usual...

80% preparation, 10% doing it, 10% cleaning up

Really fun activities from the Homegrown Preschooler

I have found that my life is 80% preparation, 10% actually doing that thing you prepared and 10% cleaning up after. 

A meal: meeeeal planning argh, grocery store, putting groceries away, chopping, boiling / actually sitting down and eating / dishes

These fun activities: planning, writing lists of supplies to buy, actually buying them, prepping /actually having fun and taking these pictures / cleaning up

Going out: Preparing diaper bag, changing a million diapers everyone decides to poop in five minutes before leaving, getting jackets, putting on shoes, preparing snacks and water, driving somewhere / actually being there / coming home, taking off shoes and jackets, cleaning snack recipients 

Can anyone relate? 

Now that we are in Advent it seems all the more appropriate. I guess that's the way life is set up. Childhood and even adulthood is always "studying for something", "preparing for something", waiting for your kids to grow a bit, etc. etc. 

Self-criticism

Kitchen night club. Crazy kids. 

I know a few people who have gotten divorced after having a baby. Apparently there are some statistics which say couples who have twins have higher rates of divorce. Couples who have handicapped children have higher rates of divorce. 

I have a theory which is "couples who experience obstacles and difficulties are more at risk of divorce". Which is... everyone. It is hard enough to experience obstacles and difficulties on your own... a million times harder with someone else. 

Or not. If you have some supernatural help to love each other with a supernatural love. It's called grace. If you love and patiently support each other like 1 Corinthians 13. 

My cleaning lady was telling me about how she is a second away from divorcing her husband (prayers?!) and it broke my heart to hear her list his every fault and vice. Her childrens' every fault and problem. Of course, it bothered me because I also saw myself in her. When I get sad and upset, I see the problems of those around me better than I see my own. 

But as a great G.K. Chesterton quote goes: 
"What embitters the world is not excess of criticism, but an absence of self-criticism."

God doesn't give us a detailed list of our faults and vices or "tell us to our face" how we are. If only we (and I) could love each other with God's love and not our own. 

Student of Adelaide

Adelaide with her new earrings. She picked them out herself because they were the most "colorful". I love and am so surprised by her love of color and dressing up. 

I have been learning a lot, not only about parenting, but about life in the past four years. And Addie has been my teacher. 

They say you have a special relationship with your oldest, and that they're your guinea pig, trying everything out through trial and error… and I think it's true. There are a few truths I've learned and I hold onto when times get rough. By when times get rough, I mean people say she's badly behaved, she runs away, she hits or bites, etc. 

The first is something I heard on this Montessori podcast about discipline: It's about your relationship with the child. Then, Sally Clarkson's often repeated "there are no formulas". Also, this quote from my favorite parenting book EVER, Desperate: 

"Love them. Hug them, kiss them, cuddle with them, spend more time rubbing their heads and holding their hands. Give yourself to them without rush. Pray with them, and let them twirl your hair in their little fingers. Look them in the eye when you talk to them.
Give words of affirmation. Tell them, whether you feel it or not, that you delight in them, that they are a delight (if they don’t feel like a delight, ask God to give you those feelings). Tell them, ‘You are beautiful and smart and God loves you. I’m so glad you’re my child.’ Tell them that they can never lose your love, no matter what. And mean it.” Pg 30

The other day we met another girl Addie's age at the park. I noticed they were both wearing dresses that were way too fancy for the park and asked the girl's mom about it. She said that her daughter insists on wearing dresses and picking out her own clothes and if she doesn't tantrums ensue. EXACTLY like Addie. I also belong to a FB group of people who bought our preschool curriculum (AYOPS from the Homegrown Preschooler) and several people said how their girls Addie's age use up countless sheets of paper a day making drawings. EXACTLY the same. These are all things I am learning about her and that are unexpected. 

The discipline problems, the unexpected personality and preferences, these are all things I'm learning as a student of Adelaide and hoping to keep in my heart like Mary.