Monday, May 10, 2021

Thoughts on Motherhood 1: Formulas

My favorite author on anything motherhood is Sally Clarkson. Listen to her podcasts "At Home With Sally" because any one of them is wonderful. My favorite thing she says is "faith over formula". It doesn't apply just to parenting, but in parenting it is sooooooo apparent. We get a baby in our hands and we think we will be able to program a human being into the perfect philosophy of what a person should be and what makes us happy. We forget kids are not OURS. Our spouse is OURS and we are THEIRS. That is the most important relationship and our kids can drink from that fount. They will leave the nest and we will be just an influence on their life, not a computer programmer of their being. 

So some people are less crunchy and think rewards and punishment, more hitting, charts, etc will get desired behavior results. Others are more in favor of the attachment theory, but also think that attachment is a cure-all, solve-all and their child will automatically be gentle and perfect in every way. 

Just like we can see someone's intentions behind what they say or do, kids read through us. So what it comes down to is modeling Christ to them. Modeling good intentions and being the best we can be. Modeling good habits. Creating a good environment and family culture together. 

Work on your inner life. Become a better person. By consequence you will be a better parent. 

Relationships. Enjoy doing things with your spouse and kids like you would enjoy doing with friends. It helps me to imagine them as adults. What will we do together then? Start those things now. Because relationships, whether with our kids or with friends, are what make life worth living. 

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