10 year anniversary

We renewed our vows and had a mega party at the same place we had our wedding for our tenth anniversary. We surprised our guests with a choreography. No one was expecting me to be able to dance. Like I tell everyone, I am able to dance better than walk and walk better than stand still. That's because movement helps with balance. 

Renovamos os nossos votes e tivemos uma mega festa na quinta onde casámos para o nossa décimo aniversário. Surpreendem os convidados com uma coreografia. Ninguém esperava que eu pudesse dançar. Como estou sempre a dizer, consigo dançar mais facilmente do que andar e andar mais facilmente do que ficar de pé. Isso porque o movimento ajuda com o equilíbrio. 

Thoughts on motherhood 3: Projects

(waiting with them during Davy's violin class. Our family band is still a project in the making)

My spiritual director gave me a great exercise to do last summer which was imagine which priorites are the "big rocks" in my life and fit them into the jar of my time first. Then, whatever the "little rocks" are can fit into your day if it works out. If it doesn't, oh well. 

So even though little "projects" or even writing articles are not big rocks in my life, they are what motivate me. I try to get through the big rocks, so I can have ME TIME with the little rocks. 

I think that's okay. What makes life worth living is a feeling of mission or purpose. Not physical pleasures or "well-being". So I'm not so much about getting through the big rocks to have a cup of tea or coffee or take a bubble bath. I'm more about get everyone in bed and the house semi-clean and write an article or this post on this blog right now. 

Auntie Leila writes on her site likemotherlikedaughter.org about order and wonder a lot. For me, I would call it order and projects. We're here on this earth to make life better for others and help each other get to heaven. So when our life is semi-in-order, it's motivating to WORK on projects. 

What motivates you?

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #30: Share a memory

I have recently realized that my kids know nothing about my past and our family's past that I know and take for granted: my childhood, my wedding day, my cousins, my grandparents, etc. Sometimes they ask me to tell them a story (like Little Red Riding Hood or something...) and I have decided to tell them a story about me or my family instead. 

There is barely anything I still have from my childhood (unfortunately!), but one strange possession I saved and value so much is a little pack of pictures of my barbies and biographies I wrote to go along with them on yellow lined paper. I wrote it in pencil. I went through the painstaking effort of typing it up also so I never lose it and I have copied the PDF link in case anyone is interested (can't imagine... except for my mom ;)... but you never know). 

I thought of this one day during this quarantine because I've had these barbie pictures and stories stored in a box for years and I realized I have a six-year-old daughter who might be interested. She was. She framed the barbie group picture and keeps it in her room. 

I don't remember when I wrote this, but probably when I was about 12 years old. I remember I didn't play with barbies anymore and wanted to remember their stories. I can't remember when I last read it. It was suuuuuuuuuuch a surprise when I read them again with Adelaide. 

What most surprised me was that I had a dream of having a lot of kids. People often ask me if I always wanted to have lots of kids and I always answer no because I didn't know any large families. Apparently God placed this dream in my heart as a child! 

The second most surprising thing was that the husband of the family was... dum dum dum... Daniel. (my husband's name) How creepy is that? 

Third most surprising thing was how many dreams the barbies had that I STILL have: one was an author and one liked giving speeches. 

And I still like Laura Ingalls Wilder and Anne of Green Gables. 

20 years later... some things... a loooot of things!... don't change. 

PDF file here: 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CLXXQ42gjDrKjGNoJe7ETsHGdLDhpGE0/view?usp=sharing

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #29: FFR Shade Series

Have you heard of Franciscan Friars for the Renewal? I think the first time I saw one was years ago at a TOB symposium and he had a beard before beards were cool. They live the Franciscan spirit in very poor neighborhoods. One called Brother Isaiah is especially musically talented. Look up his song "Struggler" on Youtube, it's one of my favorites. 
Brother Isaiah came out with this new "Shade Series"during this isolation period. They are nice for listening to and praying with. They also started their "Poco a Poco podcast". I listenened to an episode and it was awesome. 

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Isolation Opportunity for Creating a Richer Family Culture Idea #12: Go out in the rain

My Norwegian friend says the Portuguese are afraid of the rain. One drop and the hide in panic in their houses. (I would agree with this generalization)

Luckily, my children and I have dual citizenship and so we are Henry David Thoreau's compatriots:

"Take long walks in stormy weather or through deep snows in the fields and woods, if you would keep your spirits up. Deal with brute nature. Be cold and hungry and weary.”

We got a good hour of no rain or light sprinkles until it started pouring and then we went home. I never realized how my three-year-old Davy isn't used to the rain: where is this water coming from? Can we drink it? He asked. 

I also forgot that snails come out in the rain. We saw lots of snails crawling around and that was fun. 

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Reflections on the coronavirus crisis pt 2: Be a light

 I added this to our family plan.

Years ago, I went to the 9/11 memorial center in NYC with my friend (who is still one of my most amazing and inspirational friends today) and I loved this t-shirt (see above) that I saw there, but didn't buy it. My friend, being the thoughtful, kind person she (was and still) is, secretly bought it for me and stuck it in my suitcase when we said goodbye after our trip. I've been thinking about it these days. 

Be a light.

God doesn't will sickness or the coronavirus or anything else bad that happens, be it a tsunami or a murder. Evil is a mysterious presence that we can not be sure in this world why God permits it to exist to some degree and sometimes it is frustrating and scary because evil usually seems bigger and louder than good. 

But it isn't. If you have ever read any sentence of the Bible, you know that good is small but it is ALWAYS more powerful than evil and we know the end of the story: good wins. Good is the salt (small) in the food (big), the yeast (small) in the bread (big), the light (small) on the hill (big). 

Evil is sometimes mysterious but one thing we know for sure: crises and adversity brings out the best or the worst in people. Adversity permits GROWTH in virtues like self-sacrifice, courage, etc. 

Adversity has ALWAYS been present in every age and time throughout history. Why did we think we were untouchable? Why could every other human being in history be subject to hunger, poverty, war, plagues, natural disaster, terrorism, etc. but we are untouchable? Is it progressivism? Is it because we have "progressed" to a higher stage of life where scientism and materialism and hedonism have cured everything and will cure everything? 

Shocking front page headline: we are the same, finite (infinite souls of course), weak, insecure creatures in need of a Creator that the Romans at the end of the Roman Empire were, the persecuted Christians were (and are), the medievals suffering from the black plague were, Anne Frank and German Jews were, etc. 

And the tools for dealing with adversity are still the same: faith and family. 

Have courage. 

“The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.” Laura Ingalls Wilder

Be a light. 
"In darkness we shine brightest."

Master list here: https://martajuliemaria.blogspot.com/p/isolation-reflections-and-ideas.html?m=1

Good habits everyday

Sometimes I think food is more beautiful before it is cooked, like this chicken and dressing sheet pan supper by Pioneer Woman. 

I've been thinking about what gets me through the day. And if I could pick a family motto right now it would be: good habits everyday. As many good habits as possible a day. Maybe just one. Maybe a few. Building things up slowly with little steps. 

Good habits everyday. 

I listened to this wonderful podcast called "The Intellectual Life". It was amazing. Bishop Barron mentions how it is easy for him to read. It is a good habit that is so engrained in him it is easy and pleasant to do. Then he gives a handy little explanation on virtue and vice: virtue is when a good habit comes easy to you, vice is when a bad habit is the easiest thing for you to slip into. 

So I guess my family motto could also be build up virtue everyday. 

ONLY now... after years of trying... have I been able to commit to a prayer routine everyday. I help Adelaide and Davy practice their violins for 5 min. I practice 5 min of piano. I read a little bit before going to bed. I do a 5 min exercise video or some situps before taking a shower in the morning. I cut some fruit for my kids. I read aloud to them. We recite some poetry on a Sunday. We take a hike or go to forest school. They go to swimming class. I play and sing instead of hit or yell. 

These aren't things I am able to do everyday, but the more I am able to do them regularly the better I feel. It's what the 7 Habits book says is the "personal victory" which makes you feel more confident for relationship with others. It's what gets me through a day or week. 

Self-criticism

Kitchen night club. Crazy kids. 

I know a few people who have gotten divorced after having a baby. Apparently there are some statistics which say couples who have twins have higher rates of divorce. Couples who have handicapped children have higher rates of divorce. 

I have a theory which is "couples who experience obstacles and difficulties are more at risk of divorce". Which is... everyone. It is hard enough to experience obstacles and difficulties on your own... a million times harder with someone else. 

Or not. If you have some supernatural help to love each other with a supernatural love. It's called grace. If you love and patiently support each other like 1 Corinthians 13. 

My cleaning lady was telling me about how she is a second away from divorcing her husband (prayers?!) and it broke my heart to hear her list his every fault and vice. Her childrens' every fault and problem. Of course, it bothered me because I also saw myself in her. When I get sad and upset, I see the problems of those around me better than I see my own. 

But as a great G.K. Chesterton quote goes: 
"What embitters the world is not excess of criticism, but an absence of self-criticism."

God doesn't give us a detailed list of our faults and vices or "tell us to our face" how we are. If only we (and I) could love each other with God's love and not our own. 

Struggler by Brother Isaiah

Have you heard of the Franciscan Friars for the Renewal? I hope so. 

You know those songs you keep singing to yourself for weeks like a mantra? This one is that for me:

Sometimes I feel like I'm struggling and others are thriving. Which is not true! What counts is who and what we turn to in the struggle. 

Cling to the beautiful

I have serious problems and each of my family members have serious problems that I don't share on this blog. I just hope you know that. Possibly because I am a blogger myself, I look at other people's blogs and instagrams and know that it probably only corresponds to 10% or less of their lives. Of course, I still play the comparison game but I try to remind myself that they are like me: pretty messed up. 
The picture of cupcakes above is beautiful, but it doesn't show how I don't make time for baking anymore, barely for cooking a meal a day, and I just made them for my neighbor who I "owed". It doesn't show the messy kitchen or negligence of children involved in making them. 
The picture of our "homeschool" looks picturesque, but it really only lasts five minutes and doesn't show the crying, hitting, yelling and fighting over toys that happens in the other 23 hours and 55 minutes of the day. 
Does that mean I shouldn't post these? I don't think so. I like seeing other people's glory moments and beautiful creations. It inspires me. And I push forward for half of the morning while cooking, changing diapers, doing laundry, putting away toys, etc with the MOTIVATION of getting to those picturesque five minutes of "scholé" we do together. I push through life lately, with the motivation of getting to all the beautiful things that last a minute or I never have time for. But I still cling to the beautiful. It's worth it. 

Life is finite, bounded up by mortality, tragic and sometimes unfair

At three weeks

At four weeks
I haven't been taking nearly as many pictures as I'd like. But I can see the difference from one week to another! 

Have you heard of Jordan Peterson? Did you see this interview that has made him super famous as of late? Did you see this really funny meme making fun of the interview? (watch it only after the inteview!)

If you live in the US or Canada, you probably have. He has a new book out which I haven't read, but from what I heard of it I would like to buy it for every person in Portugal. It's about antidotes for the problems of our times, but I think those problems are exacerbated in Portugal. More personal responsibility and not blaming society/God/government/etc for your problems? Yes please! 

I also listened to the latest Patrick Coffin Show podcast featuring Jordan Peterson. This quote really stuck with me...

At 26 minutes:
"The thing about making the bleak case... Let's say that you are fundamentally optimistic and that you fundamentally do have faith and you do believe that truth can prevail, then you can say, look what it has to prevail over. And then the reality that it has to prevail over is the fact that life is finite, and bounded by mortality, and tragic and sometimes unfair. And that all of the suffering that's intended upon that is multiplied almost beyond endurance by malevolence. Everyone knows that, especially people who've been hurt know that. And so then you say, yeah that's right, you're right in your deepest suspicions, you're correct BUT despite that, the power of love, so that would be the desire for things to flourish, and the power of truth is such that it can transcend those bleak realities."

Patrick Coffin said soldiers and abuse victims can relate to Jordan Peterson's message. But I think post-partum women can too. At least I can! Life is rough, rough, rough, rough right now. Luckily I have grace upon grace, sacraments, and glimpses of love and truth prevailing. But yes, life is bleak. And post-partum is not for the faint of heart. 

Love and responsibility

"The family is an institution created by procreation within the framework of marriage. It is a natural community, directly dependent on the parents for its existence and functioning. The parents create the family as a complement to and extension of their love. To create a family means to create a community, since the family is a social unit or else it is not a family. To be a community it must have a certain size. This is most obvious in the context of education. For the family is an educational institution within the framework of which the personality of a new human being is formed. If it is to be correctly formed it is very important that this human being should not be alone, but surrounded by a natural community. We are sometimes told that it is easier to bring up several children together than an only child, and also that two children are not a community - they are two only children. It is the role of the parents to direct their children's upbringing, but under their direction the children educate themselves, because they develop within the framework of a community of children, a collective of siblings."
- Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla (Saint John Paul II), pg 242 (chapter "Justice Towards the Creator" subtitle "Periodic Continence: Method and Interpretation")

I read Love and Responsibility yeeeears ago, but this quote has always stayed in my mind. Especially now that we are having a third child. 

When Davy was born, I was totally focused on the birth itself and on figuring out how to care for a baby again. Now I feel like I am more focused on Addie and Davy, how to be present to them, how we will get back into life again with an extra element after my husband is back at work. I've been ordering books for them and hatching ideas. 

Somewhere around when Davy turned one, things got easier and more exciting for us as a family. He gets funnier and funnier each day. Addie and Davy play more and more each day (and fight too!). Somehow it doesn't seem like it will be as upsetting to add a new element to the group... it's a group! What an amazing thing to be creating a community, like JPII says. And a huge responsibility. 

Preparing

Our Lady amidst the mess (complete with pen graffiti on the wall). One of those rare moments of beauty when they read together!  

I've been listening to some great podcasts by Patrick Coffin and one of them was with Anthony Esolen. Another one was this one about parenting experts. I wrote down this quote from the Anthony Esolen interview at about 37:20 minutes: 

"It might be healthy for our young people, all of them, to regularly do difficult, physical work with the parent of the same sex. It's good for us all."

I almost always feel like I am preparing for something in the future. Starting some project and finishing it three years later, imagining some project that will take three years but preparing for it now, etc. I dream of the kids doing chores and knowing how to work as well as play, but that is definitely a distant, far-off dream. That I am starting to work toward now. Building a family culture, one tiny step at a time. 

Perseverance

Windy day

I've been listening to lots of Leah Darrow podcasts lately and especially helpful was the one called Press On! The Beauty of Perseverance. I could tooooootally identify with the tough spot she was in, where you discern something is good to do, then when you are actually trying to do it, a MILLION obstacles seem to come out of nowhere. It could apply to my life in general right now. I especially think of trying to go to mass during the week. We see the great, wonderful effects, but then something comes up or we have a poopy diaper and ran out of clean diapers to change it with. Or a million doubts of if it's worth it, if the kids will ever behave, etc. come up. I also think of the project on the sidebar I clearly discerned was something I should do. And now every single time I have do actually do something for it (which is very little), the only babysitter I depend on is out of the country. Swell. But this podcast really helps put things in perspective. This seems to happen with every good thing or good endeavor. And perseverance is a virtue, something to keep working at. 

From the podcast: 

If you can't fly, then run; If you can't run, then, walk; If you can't walk, then crawl; but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward. - Martin Luther King

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. Albert Einstein

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Nothing. Talent will not, nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not, unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not, the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan press on has always solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." Calvin Coolidge

Happy Easter

We are going up north for a few days for Easter, to my husband's family house in the country. There will be nice things like cows and goats. We have some friends who were nice enough to want to come with us, which is exciting. Other than visit with these aforementioned cows and goats, we will be going to the Easter Triduum celebrations and even visiting a convent!

I wish you a blessed Easter and the joy of the Risen One.




"To be beaten, to be mocked, to be crucified... to go through the agony and the disfigurement that Christ went through in the Mediterranean culture was not just physically grueling, it was filled with shame. To be in public and have people treat you like this was a shame-filled thing for a Mediterranean man. And what's so important for us to remember is that it wasn't just physical brokenness, it was social brokenness and emotional brokenness. It was this disfigurement that Christ bore."

"The character that we really need to lean into is Barabbas. The word Barabbas is interesting. 'Bar' means 'son' or 'son of'. 'Abba' means 'father'. The name Barabbas, some scholars say it was really his name, others say it was just a literary device, but the man whose place Jesus took, the man who was released, who was a criminal, a murderer, is you and is me. We are all sons of the father, daughters of the father, we are children of the father by our baptism. And when you and I encounter the Passion story, this narrative, we have to put ourselves in that place, because you and I are the ones who sin. You and I are the ones who are subject to death. And my brothers and my sisters, you and I are the ones whose place our Lord Jesus took."


-From Palm Sunday of Mark Hart's (aka "The Bible Geek") Sunday, Sunday, Sunday podcast. This is our favorite podcast ever and we listen to it religiously every Sunday.

A poor wife who bakes

I read a little bit about Padre Pio on his feast day last Wednesday (I'd like to read more...) and I've been thinking about him ever since. Especially these words: "Yet despite such notoriety, he would often say, 'I only want to be a poor friar who prays.'" (from CatholicCulture)

I found these words so decisive, so in touch with his identity. I kept thinking, what do I want to be? The best I came up with was "a poor wife who bakes". It sounds kind of ridiculous, I know. And we're not really poor... at least not in the Franciscan vow of poverty way. And baking and poor in the same sentence don't make much sense.

But still. It got me thinking. I also want to be a woman of prayer... which I feel very far away from. I had a new friend (and new neighbor) visit me last week who has eight kids and a busy life, but she was one of those people that you just say, "wow, she's a woman of prayer." That quality that reminded me of this priest I know, and the nuns "monjas de Belém" that make the beautiful artwork I've talked about, plus a few other people. They emanate peace. And they pray a lot.

Who do you want to be?

Date in the West

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We finally made went through with a date night and didn't fall asleep before and call it off... as has been happening recently. 

We went to a drive-in movie and the baby was nice enough to sleep in her car seat. We ate gross McDonalds... that actually tasted really good at the time. We had to wait for the movie to start... and we actually both fell asleep during that time. But we woke up once it started and then it was great. It was the perfect date. And free! Yay Portugal for having everything be free all the time. 

The movie we saw: 

Struggling with motherhood doubts

I've been kind of depressed about jobs over the last weeks and in a very vulnerable situation with my last employer. Having a baby really does change things and make you question who you are and what your priorities are. I listened to the talks from the Edel gathering here: 

http://www.conversiondiary.com/2014/08/four-amazing-talks-from-the-edel-gathering.html

And Marion's talk really helped me realize I'm not alone with my doubts. It seems like in Portugal everyone does the same thing: has one or two children really late, keeps on working at the same job and puts their 5-month-old at daycare or at their grandparents'. Marion, however, talked about the doubts that mothers have and that I really feel like I've been struggling with: 

Do I stay at home? 

Do I work outside the home? 

What are my schooling options? 

What about the bills? 

How do I raise my kids in the faith? 

How do I balance this need for adult interaction and intellectual stimulation with the needs of my kids? 

I also found a new blog, carrotsformichaelmas.com

It is AWESOME and so is the blogger, Haley. She is the "ultimate Catholic hipster" and she is great inspiration. 

Drake White - The Simple Life

Sorry for the long hiatus in my blogging activity! Married life has been really amazing, but my to-do list is endless and I feel like I am unable to get a single thing on it done. 

In search of the simple life...

I'm a fan of beer ice cold,

Of waving at my neighbor when I meet him on the road,

Of kissing my woman in the moonlight:

Yeah, I'm a fan of the simple life

Give me an old pair of boots, 

a small piece of land, 

a little old house where I can hang my hat:

I'll be a happy man, 'cause I'm a fan of the simple life. 

Spring is for...

Runs/walks in the park...
oatmeal+chocolate+cranberry muffins...
and strawberries...

...and nurturing hope that there is a solution/redemption for every problem, no matter how awful it may seem. 

"Expect to have hope rekindled. 

Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. 

The dry seasons in life do not last. 

The spring rains will come again."

 - Sarah Ban Breathnach