Thursday, September 01, 2011

Back to the world

I'm back from my week-long silent retreat. Wow, long week. I never thought that being still and silent would be so difficult for me, but it was. I thought of running away everyday!

Here's what I was thinking the first days:
- I get sleepy after lunch if I eat well and sit in the sun.
- This is uncomfortable.
- Being constantly busy and running around everywhere is easier.
- I depend on attention and words from other people.
- I can't stand being alone. (When I was little I used to be able to!)
- I feel like watching T.V. (you start realizing what is really an escape mechanism...)

But it wasn't all pain and suffering. It actually was really good. It was maybe the most life-changing thing I've ever done in such a short period of time and really helped me get clear answers for my life!

Here are some things I learned:
- Firmness produces hope (Rm 5,4): the theme of the retreat. Not our capacity of being firm but God's, because in the midst of tribulation you undesrtand that God is the only ground we have. And then you no longer fear falling!
- I heard about the importance of our intentions for the first time. Became more aware of mine and realized they aren't and haven't been right and I haven't been completely honest with myself and others.
- What you think, say, feel and live should be all aligned.
- Poverty, chastity and obedience aren't just religious vows. They are Gospel vows for everyone. And obedience, something I have unknowingly associated a negative connotation to until now, is so important! It means listening to God and others, those who know and love you best. Because freedom is letting the other choose for you.
- You can't love someone you don't know.
- and lots other things!

So now I'm going from the ora to the labora, getting back into the action of life! I went into this retreat pretty hopeless and untrusting, and feel like now I was given hope again. So I'm slowly looking for a job, cleaning my house and getting back into routines, while trying not to do it all by myself again. This time I want to do it with God and others.
Cross in the chapel I was at. source

No comments:

Post a Comment