Monday, February 18, 2019


Magical milk and water color ice courtesy The Homegrown Preschooler

I have no idea what I'm doing. What pains me is that I find there are other people that seem to know what they're doing. I keep taking one step at a time, sometimes glimpsing what a wonderful, indescribable thing we have going, other times unable to get out of the depths of despair of thinking I've already messed it all up and keep messing it up more and more. 

But I follow what are intuitions, these deep, visceral intuitions that I don't even like sharing with a lot of people… I prefer to do it and they'll see… which are somewhat confirmed by prayer. 

One was when my first child was born that I wouldn't be able to put her in daycare or leave her with my in-laws. I wanted to be with her. I continue to feel that way, about her and about her little brothers too. That feeling seems to grow, but again, I have no idea why! 

Another is when we went to see Christopher West speak in Fatima a couple weeks before we were married. He looked us in a prophetic way and said "Be fruitful and multiply". So that seems to be happening. But again, we didn't really plan for it. It's all kind of new. 

Another is a quote by Saint Catherine of Siena that if we could see a soul in mortal sin we would die. The priest I heard quote this said that the reverse side of the coin is also true, if we could see a soul in a state of grace we would be in awe. 
So I see that the most important is to keep close to Jesus in that way, make sacraments and prayer a priority. If me and my family have souls in a state of grace, what else matters? 

Of course, I don't think God speaks to us just in dreams and intuitions, but also in reality, events and what is possible .

I just don't have a plan. 

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